THE OTHER TALK PARENTS AVOID: PORNOGRAPHY!

Many of us find internet pornography an awkward topic to discuss at all, let alone with our children.

No healthy parent wants to think about his/her child viewing adult rated content, but it often happens. Some researchers have stated that the average age of exposure to pornography is down to 8. Before the days of the internet, children were typically between the ages of 11 to 13, when they began viewing soft-core pornography found in magazines. Today’s child lives in a culture where hard-core pornography abounds. Our children are being seduced daily, and we need to bear this fact in mind whenever we have the occasion to redirect them away from pornography.

Child psychology experts think that it’s an essential conversation parents should have with their children. Whatever filters you install on their phones, laptops and other technology, whatever limits you may set on how and when and where children use their devices, children still need open and ongoing conversations with their parents about the sexually explicit images and information they MAY encounter online. Conversations can be had in school with the Counselors as well. It is pertinent that parents need to acknowledge the likelihood that their children may find their way around filters and restrictions.

Preteenagers may stumble across images they find disturbing or maybe deliberately shown such images by other kids. One recent study found that 47 percent of school-aged children received porn spam on a daily basis. This study also found that as many as one in five children open the spam they receive.  Adolescents may have their attitudes toward sex and relationships shaped by the unrealities of pornography. And there’s the possibility that some kids may be drawn to pornography to such an extent that it may disrupt their real-life relationships and their lives.

Both parents and children may be uncomfortable talking specifically about the content but can talk about the ways that sex is part of a relationship, the ways that people should treat one another or the ways that pornography is not an accurate representation of sexual behaviour. And it helps to start having these conversations early so that your children know they can come to you if something upsets them, and you have to make it clear that you won’t be shocked or angry at them.

It’s especially important for boys to hear their fathers’ voices or that of a respected male figure on this subject. According to a Child psychologist, Dr Finkelhor, fathers/male figures need to reassure boys that their curiosity is normal, and to help them understand that there are risks. It is also extremely important that parents not direct all their efforts toward their sons at the expense of their daughters. Pornography and other sexualized media can adversely affect girls as well as boys and often leads to significant damage in their ability to form healthy relationships as an adult.

Frankly, there is no guarantee that even the best parent can prevent his/her child’s exposure to pornography. As with parents of any age and culture, we seek to do the best we can with the resources we have. Someone or something is going to teach your child about the human body, sex and possibly porn; hopefully, it's you. If it isn't you, it may be a kid at school, at a worship ground or, more likely, the internet. Your child will things about sex and have questions, please try to be there. Remember to speak with your child early too. Sometimes, if you wait until adolescence (around 12 years of age), your child will already be drifting away from you, looking to peers, other adults or the internet for answers. Ideally, start speaking with them as early as they have internet access.

As a school, we have the counselling unit manned by trained Counselors and the children visit every now and then. We also run gender-based assemblies where select staff address students on a host of issues including sexuality.

Thank you for reading and we pray God guides our children from the absurdities in today’s world.

#counselling #intentionalparenting